And there comes a point when your insides churn, and the faces you have known all your life seem unfamiliar, hostile and terrifying. You look up to the white colored ceiling, trying to push those tears away because they have always mistaken tears, as a sign of weakness. Today my future flashed before my eyes and I have never felt this uncertain. The facade has lost its existence and I write to you without sugar coated labeling of fiction. I feel more in sync with all of you than I have ever felt with myself.
And it may come as a surprise to many that behind these poetries and paragraphs of fiction is a girl who still stumbles over her own feet, who fears life and hates feeling miserably helpless. Do you know that feeling when no matter how hard you try they still judge you and taunt you and mock you? So, dreading you take a step further only to be pushed two steps backward.
While we understand the emotions of not merchandising students in labels of science, commerce, arts and humanities, our parents understand the system and the monstrous structure it has built. So, when someone with more than 40 years of life experience knows what’s best for you how do you tell them that their ‘best’ will never be ‘enough’ for you?
Breaking stereotypes has always been my favorite activity but now my tricks fail me, and it is nerve wrecking to watch my voice stutter when I try talking about taking a different route, traveling on the road less taken, to them.
You know that feeling when you have kept quiet for too long and you just want to scream your guts out but you dare not make the slightest of sound so you scream into your pillow, tears gushing out and every vein in your body wants to rip itself apart. How was I so naive to believe that I could break this stereotype? How on earth, was I supposed to know that my wings were cut, now that I was ready to take flight?
Update – Things are shaping up for me now and I don’t want to jinx this, but I might be breaking this stereotype (shush!) And hey! All I have to tell you is, if it matters to you, it is worth talking about, it is worth fighting for and it is sure as hell worth every goddamn thing. So little fighter, do it for you and start believing in yourself. How do you expect people to take you seriously when you are scared to admit that you’re different? Own up to it and darling, for the love of God, work towards it.
And hey, hey, hey! If you’re reading this, congratulations! You have reached the end of this post. You get virtual hugs and my sincere thank you’s. (Yes! The virtual cookies are on their way. What? Okay fine. The virtual pizzas’ too.)
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And until next time……