Greetings everyone! How are you doing this fine Monday? (Has the Monday blues hit you, yet?) Because I have just the right cure for your blues, today. I present to you this amazing, beautiful and bemusing conversation, I had with this marvelous human being. I met Nihal on Instagram (bonus points to the internet) a couple of months ago and we bonded over Harry Potter and his cats (he has so many cats, like actual cat lady goals) and now I can tell you that he has a golden soul (Nihal, if you’re reading this, don’t fly). To those of you who follow me on Instagram, you might know Nihal as @happiness._.incarnate. Yes, the guy I called an alligator in my story (This is he, ladies and gentlemen). And if I say so myself, we have some crazy conversations, this is one of them and you will have to read it to understand why. Let me tell you a few things about my co-writer, his brain works in ways similar to mine and I used to pride myself on my uniqueness and then this monkey came along. He likes to go by the name Lalala (don’t ask). In conclusion, I will say that he is magnificent (his words) and a really great friend.
Here you go (the conversations we have at 3 a.m.) –
Tanya: You do fall in love with a person. Completely, truly, deeply and madly. But it may not be forever. Like forever in short spans, maybe. Maybe we aren’t made to love just one person. Maybe we fall for multiple people. Give pieces of our hearts every time we fall in love. And then let it die when we fall out of love. Maybe we don’t have that one person, forever. But in a moment and the moment is longer than a simple second, we do love that person with everything we have.
Nihal: But what about holding on to one person. And plainly loving that person throughout your life? Doesn’t it take courage and dedication?
Tanya: Holding on even when there is nothing to hold on to? I don’t think that’s wise.
Nihal: There’s a lot to hold onto. Family for one. Stabilizing the heart is wise.
Tanya: But wouldn’t it be unfair to the other person? Trying to fix the cracks with cello tape will just make it more visible and vulnerable.
Nihal: That’s the thing. Both lovers must struggle and try to reignite the flame again and again. That makes it more beautiful. That gives love an entirely new meaning. Not the falling in love kind of love. The Given love.
Tanya: Reignite the flame, that burnt both of them? And do what, get burned again? You can’t press on to something that doesn’t exist. And what if you fall in love with someone else? Then what? Do you ignore it?
Nihal: Burn and rise from the ashes again and again. Go through hell again and again. It’ll obviously forge and strengthen the bond and strengthen our capability to love unconditionally and strengthen our humanity thereafter. Basically, why not try and control love rather than letting it control you? Love is rash and stupid. Rashness gives rise to dynamism. Dynamism breeds growth or destruction. All or nothing.
Tanya: Love is free and unshackled. You can’t chain it. It’s like air, it’s there and not there. And I have seen more people fall out of love than try saving something, forever lost. And yes, while the idea of that one person sounds absolutely heroic. It’s not. It’s a lot more than just that. It’s loving many people, at different times. Giving them all you have got, or what is left to give every single time. Love is power. It is giving someone everything and hoping they don’t steal it. But it also renewing oneself after everything has been stolen. It is learning to, fall in love again. It is all about forever in short spans, my friend.
Nihal: It’s more like a leash actually. To be able to harness it more effectively. And even though all that sounds beautiful, is it realistic? What about family and children and dedication? I don’t mean love just one person. I mean love unconditionally. Hold on for the family. Conform. It certainly is inevitable, biologically and socially. Certain circumstances call for compromise and only compromise for a safe outcome.
Tanya: You can’t leash, love. How do you expect children to grow happily in a family where the two most important pillars are broken? Sometimes you have got to face it. It’s not working. And then you must take actions, respectively. And I know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. But in the long run, I would rather have a half family than a broken full family. And yes, compromise has always shown amazing results. But compromise something that is so lovely. Compromise what to save what? Love to save family. Families need love. It is essential.
Nihal: Those two important pillars definitely have the power to fix each other. Love is the magic glue here. Why can’t they use that? Relatability leads to understanding and understanding leads to concern and love. Why can’t they hang onto to that anchor of love. The less powerful yet beautifully more effective love. Love that doesn’t break rules and boundaries but that which holds and stabilizes the home. Compromise the Felt love to save a family with the help of the reservoir of the Given love. I mean how can we claim that Love is a great asset of humanity if we can’t unconditionally love a person we once “fell” in love with.
Tanya: Because when they fall out of love they lose touch with each other. And although they can be friends. It’s not the same. It never is. No. You do love that person unconditionally. You love them without rules, objections or fear. You love them as long as you’re in love. But love fizzles out. More often than it should. And that’s the reality.
Nihal: Why can’t we trap it. Contain it. Not let it go. It is beautiful and magical. Why can’t we possess enough power to contain it? Isn’t it because we lack courage and determination? We are cowards? Pessimists?
Tanya: Because when you love something or someone you set it free. You let them wander. You let them take their own path. You don’t chain them. And if they come back, good. But if they don’t then, they were never yours to being with.
Nihal: So why don’t we go back? And call it? Request for it? Demand for it?
Tanya: And love isn’t bravery and courage. It is just emotions. Emotions we control and emotions that control us. Because we can’t go around begging for things that will never be ours to call or cage. It is a very selfish world that is selfless at the strangest of times.
Nihal: That is quite harsh to the self. We deserve a constant. A home forever. And it obviously won’t happen spontaneously. You need to struggle for it. Instead of aimlessly roaming around and resuming at temporary houses, why not try and build a permanent home? Stupidly selfish rather. To allow one’s heart to control their actions. And distributing the chaos outward. Why not contain it within the two? And resolve it with that pot of Given love I still hold my faith in.
Tanya: You want a constant in the world full of ‘maybes’. And I hope you will get that. But the truth is that you can’t go around raging wars when you have nothing to fight against. You see when you do love someone you don’t hold them back. You don’t get to say to what they do with your heart. You just sit there and trust them, blindly. Praying they don’t crush it. And if you’re lucky, really lucky and I mean more than four leaves clover lucky then your heart will be in the safest place ever. But unfortunately, many of us don’t get that. We fall in love and out of love. Build ourselves and break ourselves. A cycle, a stupid cycle.
Nihal: What if they do the same and it’s all miserable silence? What if both of them just waited for the other to stay and try harder? Instead what if one initiated the struggle. And inspired the other to do the same. And both of these fissioning, separating souls throw out ropes of Given love and resist the torrents of separation that’s tearing them apart. The storm between them would cease to rip them apart eventually. It sounds fairy tale-ish. But a realistic.
Tanya: Let’s agree to disagree shall we? Because you want hope and I will hate to be the one who breaks it. I don’t have hope because I have watched it happen and it surprises me every time. We have our reasons and we are right and wrong, at the same time.
Nihal: I have hope because it was never tarnished by any experience whatsoever. So, maybe that’s the difference. It all lies on hope.